Saturday, November 30, 2019

The Malehood Vs. Maleness Conversation: Series III

The Malehood Vs. Maleness Conversation: Series III

Every end of Semester at Makerere University, i host the Manhood Vs Maleness Conversation which the Univeristy male students have have now termed as the Exclusive Gathering.

The talks, geared mainly at Univeristy students,  range from mentorship, relationship, sexuality, responsibility, to vision casting and planning for the future, etc. There is always a parallel session for ladies too after they successfully lobbied for one. 

This Semester, the conversation will be held on the 7th of December 2019 at the *School of Law Makerere University starting at 1.30pm for 2:00pm

All are invited




Memories of Daddy


Memories of Daddy    

Recently, I was invited to a Men, Mentoring and Leadership event by a newly created organisation called Creed. My task was to share about my relationship with my own father as well as reflecting on my journey as a Daddy to date. That conversation made me reflect more on my relationship with my Daddy, who ascended yonder close to a decade ago. It is amazing how fast the time runs. So today, I chose to remind myself about the unique things about him which continue to linger in my heart and memory-

Daddy the Book Enthusiast
Daddy was clear that education was very important to the emancipation of the individual and the nation. Like his sisters would testify at his funeral, he insisted, as their first born brother, that they all get an education. I recall Daddy often used to say that his friends are only those ones who go to school. Those who played around got a taste of his disciplinary means. That story is for another day. So passionate was he about education that when I returned to Uganda after my Master’s degree, Dad preferred that I pursue the PhD immediately. I did so a few years down the line and indeed by the time he passed, I was in still pursuing doctoral studies.

Daddy, Culture and Cooking
Dad was a conservative and passionate about culture. Of course we resisted some of his views because of exposure to human rights, modernity and globalization. Nonetheless, that does not mean we didn’t appreciate what he was trying to instil in us. Cooking was not really his forte, but probably because he believed it was not his role to cook. I know that as a first borne in his family, he had done more cooking than he ever spoke about. I doubt that his Mom would have given him a free pass. Dad believed that his duty was to provide and that he did well. I recall memories of Saturday shopping – the smell of fresh fruit, meat, vegetables, name it. The sight of the stocked fridge and Mom’s superb cooking. I also have a special memory of him preparing meat pies with Mom for her graduation party. I recall how the onions got into his eyes and he was tearing all over. At home though, he left that to Mom and religiously thanked her whenever he had had his meal.  

Daddy found pride in our mother tongue and culture. He insisted that he should be buried in his fatherland – Toro (something we honoured with pride). He ensured that all my older brothers went to Nyakasura School and learnt to speak fluent Rutooro. I do not know how I was allowed to go to Mwiri. I guess he allowed some exceptions to the rule. For example, much as he loved culture, he didn’t believe that men should prostrate before the Omukama. Nonetheless, I applaud him for reminding us that we are rooted in our culture.

Daddy and playing
Dad rarely played around or fooled around. I guess it is because in his time, men were supposed to be seen in a serious light. Nonetheless, I remember that he once played with us as kids. It was actually a game of tip if I recall. It was however the first and only time I recall him play.  We were in the garden, and Dad had to chase us around. I think that was also the time we ate duck for the first time in our lives.

Daddy the Pre-marital counsellor
Dad rarely talked about sex. I guess that should not come as a surprise. In our time, fathers rarely did so. However, I recall him giving me advice about sex on two occasions. Once when he noticed that there was a girl who was always in my proximity and another time when I was about to get married. He cautioned me to ensure that we both tested for HIV/AIDS. I also recall that he once overheard a phonecall conversation I was having with a girl and he warned me against her. I think he heard how she was complaining and how she kept pestering me about something and Dad patiently waited for the conversation to end before saying, 'Dan, that one is a No No!' All that time i thought he was engrossed in the newspaper!

Daddy and My Jesus
One time, I gathered the courage to talk about salvation with Dad. I recall finding him lying on the bed in his room late one Sunday afternoon. I approached him and said I wanted to talk to him about Christ. This was probably one of those rare courageous moments I recall as a young man. Whereas Dad did not confess Jesus Christ as his Lord and saviour that day, he disclosed to me, a secret that was dear to his heart. We had another tough son to Dad moment later on but it is too personal to share here for now.

Daddy at my Swearing in Ceremony – Mwiri
When I won the election to became the Head Prefect of Busoga College Mwiri in my time, I naturally shared the good news with my parents including letting them know the day I would be sworn in. To my surprise, probably due to lack of mobile phone technology, they both showed up to my swearing in ceremony. I was utterly surprised and with hindsight, look at that day with great joy. There is a picture I have of Dad and Mom seated by the Deputy Headmaster D.H. Mulongo and smiling – hopefully with pride. I doubt this had ever happened in my school before, but am not sure.
Mr. B.F.Kaggwa, Headmaster of Busoga College Mwiri officiates at the Prefects' Handover ceremony

Daddy and my Signature
One-day Dad needed to send me to do some work for him. I do not particularly recall what the issue was but it required that I have a signature. He was utterly surprised when I told him that I didn’t have a signature.  So we spent most of that afternoon trying to come up with one. Of course my signature then, as it is now, was greatly influenced by his.

Daddy the Journalist
As a journalist and later, public relations professional, Dad was never the one to miss the news. I recall being woken up by the BBC News bite booming from his Sankei radio each morning. In those days, Uganda Broadcasting Corporation (UBC) was called Uganda Television (UTV). Dad always insisted that we watch the news and also report to him what was aired. Of course this was an inconvenience because we were not interested in the news at all.  We actually used the time for the news broadcast to wash up and prepare for the late night move that would come thereafter. On many occasions, he would have to shout ‘Huurraaaahhhh!!’ (Listen!!) because we would be gibbering away as he was watching or listening to news. Nonetheless, the seed he planted grew. I am passionate about the news and following up on what is going on in the nation and the world.

Daddy’s Africanisation of sports
Dad was passionate about football, the marathon and boxing. He told us that he was a boxer in his hey days. The recent INEOS 1:59 Challenge by Eliud Kipchoge would have really excited him. He believed that the 100metre dash was not as powerful as the marathon. Daddy also loved it when a black person would either participate or win in a sports we would be watching. He would say that the said black person is either his sister or brother. So we would joke about calling them all kinds of names. I guess Usain Bolt would have been referred to as our Karamojong brother because of his height.  I also recall watching most of World Cup 1994 with him. He would wake up in the middle of the night to join me and the final between Italy and Brazil was a memorable one. I love Manchester United today and support Kampala City Council Authority Football Club because of Daddy.

Daddy the Consultant
I first earned a living working for Daddy. He used to run one of the very first Public Relations and Marketing Consultancies having detoured from journalism because in his days, the government had killed many journalists and he at one time had to run in exile in Nairobi Kenya. As a pioneer Public Relations professional, Dad organised many workshops to train many organisations about the need for a public relations profession. It was at these workshops that I met many of Daddy’s friends and contemporaries, one of whom, Mr. Herbert Muhumuza is now a fellow Rotarian at the Rotary Club of Kampala North. The others include the former Internal Affairs Minister, the late  Eriya Kategaya, Hon. Ruhakana Rugunda, the current Prime Minister of Uganda, the late Basoga Nsadhu former Minister of Information who also doubled as patron of the Public relations Association, among others. It gives me great pleasure today to note that almost every organisation today has a public relations department or spokesperson. I am sure Dad would be proud.
Manning the Guest Experience Desk at a Workshop organised by Publc Relations and Marketing Consultancy

Dad introduces me to the Minister for Information, Hon Ruhakana Rugunda, now Prime Minister fof Uganda

I would later find out with pride  that Hon Rugunda is an Old Boy of Busoga College Mwiri

Daddy the Chairman
Dad was very social. He loved his Bell Lager which was manufactured by Uganda Breweries where he worked as Public Relations and Marketing officer. His love for football saw him being elected as Chairman of the Kampala City Council Football Club as it was then. The title of Chairman remained with him for as long as I can remember. Daddy was indeed a man of the party. I recall pictures of him holding a German Beer stein while having a conversation.

Daddy the Grandpa
Daddy’s health was failing by the time our children Keije and Kemanzi were born. When Kaine was born, I placed her at his side in his bed. I recall she was a light skinned as he was. It is such a poignant picture for me. I will keep it at that.

Daddy the Resilient
Daddy had battled cancer for almost twenty years. Whenever he would have his chemotherapy or operations, he still took up the courage to stand up and keep fighting. I recall special moments when he visited me when he had lost his hair due to the chemotherapy. I recall conversations with him when he sought my opinion about whether he should agree to lose his arm as recommended by the medics. He taught me to fight. To have grit, to continue and fight for another day regardless of the brutal facts.

Daddy for Rule of law
Dad was very passionate about time keeping. The only other person I recall with such a record is Prof Apollo Nsibambi. Dad would complain about the lack of time keeping by many people and he would visibly be disturbed when unnecessary delays were caused. Dad also resisted all types of arbitrary actions. He would point out instances where actions taken by those in leadership were either wrong or misconceived/ I would later learn that his was about the rule of law. 

Interestingly, my first contact with constitutionalism was through Daddy when I used the precedent of the constitution of the Public Relations Association of Uganda for the Uganda Secondary Schools Prefects Association. With hindsight, I think Dad had a part to play in my final appreciation for constitutionalism and the rule of law. Whereas Daddy was certainly no saint, he was quite principled. He had values he believed in and never sought to amend the rules in his favour. He refused to make the easy shilling at the expense of his principles and values and while listening to him speak to my Uncles, I gleaned what I would later the value as doing right, loving mercy and walking humbly before my God.

Daddy in Conclusion
The above and many more are the fond memories I have of my Daddy. Mr. James Sylvester Rwabigumire Mutabaazi. I thank him for being my imperfectly perfect Daddy. He did play his big role in creating the man that I am today.  What do you remember about your own Dad?

That said, please join us as we talk about Manhood and Maleness at the School of Law Makerere Univeristy on the 7th of December 2019 starting at 2pm. There will be a parallel session for the ladies. 

30.11.2019

The Professor



The Professor   

Last evening, I had a conversation with a Professor which caused me to think deeply about a few things. You see, this is a genuine professor of the book like ‘they’ say. He never cut any corners, was and remains diligent, and has progressively cut his teeth in a speciality that will benefit Ugandans or he generations to come.  However, inspite of his amazing accolades, my conversation with him has left me in awe. These are the lessons I learnt:

Humility  

Inspite of his international repute, the Professor is amazingly humble. He was – and has always been- cautious of his diction regardless of the fact that he knew that I know about his academic and other achievements. What struck me most was that he thanked me for two interventions I had made a few months back which, he claims, were key in opening up other doors for him.  While my part was indeed miniscule, I was quite humbled that a senior person would accord me such honour. Question - Are we willing to appreciate those who support us along the way? However little the part they might play in our life’s journey? How have I treated those who have been supported of me either by omission or commission? Do I remember to applaud them and remind them of the critical step they played in my life’s journey?

There is a picture on instagram that shows the size of earth (smaller than a pin head), from the view of planet Saturn.
This picture is quite humbling because Saturn is way larger than earth. It does put tings into perspective. Doesn’t it? Consider further, that when we travel by air, the size of the men we fear suddenly disappears. Not even an elephant or whale is threatening anymore when viewed from the skies. Even the small portions of land that people fight over or kill each other for are immediately lost in vagueness as one flies over them. Recent;y, my Mom avoided a squabble over a portion of land by reminding me that in the bigger scheme of things she has more land to concern herself with rather than the tiny stretch that someone sought to ‘steal’ from her. Life continues. Mom is keen about the entire universe and the galaxies. She has shown me that when you look at the bigger picture, you get to enjoy life more and appreciate the amazing work of creation. The entire universe and galaxy awaits us.

Viewed another way, the earth already feeds billions of people, who are created in the same image of God as I am. While my views of beauty may vary from the next person, at the end of the day, it does not matter because we are all human beings, capable of more or less the same thing, (environment, upbringing and opportunities notwithstanding). Often times as I return home to my family in order to rest, I recall that mine is but a small spot on the face of the earth where I get to rest my head. I am sure many of our ancestors also did rest in that area or fight off others from occupying it. At the end of the day however, they are all dead and buried, and I am privileged to walk in their path, regardless. I know a time will come and I will also step aside to allow my progeny to take control of these lands (and I ought to leave them in a habitable state too). So I need to be humble, do my part and let others be as well.


Therefore, humility is very important. Pride is likened to the African proverb about the gecko. It is said that when the gecko fell off a tree and no one else applauded it, it decided to shake its head – as it does to this day- to applaud itself for an amazing feat. Interestingly, no one cares. The snake never considers that when it seeks to make a meal of the gecko. Neither do the young boys with catapults learning to hunt down the elusive gecko. So it is with pride, at the end of the day, few care and in any case, life moves on.  Pride therefore makes one lose focus of the bigger (humbling) picture. It makes us self-centred, inward looking, jealous and selfish. Let us always remember ‘pride goeth before a fall’’


Leadership –

A conversation with the Professor about leadership about leadership reminded me about what my former headmaster told me when I was a leader. In all that you do as a leadership team; Consult, Concur, (then) Communicate.


  1. Consulting others, including those junior to you never takes the leadership mantle away from you. A good leader always seeks out the more skilled and seeks their opinion before making the decision and owning it.  Pride often makes us believe that we do not need others and can do things on our own. Unfortunately, many decisions are made in haste and we lose out on critical information needed to help us make a proper intervention or decision. I have learnt to appreciate that taking time to make a decision is not necessarily a sign of indecision but consultation and studying the situation.  Always consult but remember to own the decision you make after doing so.
  2. Concurring  with your leadership team is also important. This is because, the team feels like they jointly own the decision that has been made and as such, they will implement it. There is more that can be said about this but I recommend two books – TheAdvantage and Team of Teams
  3. Communicating is also a key aspect of leadership. Often, leaders think that the less information they give, the less questions they will have to answer. This cannot be further from the truth. I recall clearly an event in an organisation I belonged to which created unnecessary uproar because lack of information. The easier option would have been for the leadership to communicate clearly and be transparent about what had happened. Unfortunately, the lack of transparency left many hurt people with some still struggling with trust and respect issues to this day.


Patriotism

Whereas the Constitution of our nation calls us to be patriotic, this call has been compromised because many in the nation perceive the messengers of patriotism to be unpatriotic. In fact, the word has now taken on a negative connotation in many circles. In fact, some people have decided to revert back to their own national (erroneously called ‘tribal’) allegiances instead of being patriotic. 


Like many a professor at in Uganda, this humble trailblazer has many international opportunities he can use to find himself better work and develop his personal and familial wealth. ‘I have now grown wiser’, he said. ‘I will not let my motherland down by seeking greener pastures for myself.’ He admitted. I must confess that I have thought – and still do- of packing my bags and relocating to places where the grass is richer and systems are better. However, who will stand in the gap when I am gone? I often wonder. 
What happens when we all leave for greener pastures?

Way forward

The question still lingers though. How can one remain patriotic when all around are seemingly not? What is the place of humility in the eader of today? How do we generally lead when given a chance?

Over to you –

30/11/2019

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Casting Away That Bag of Excuses





My plate was full of work, my wife was ill, the kids had examinations, the weather was not encouraging, plus a plethora of other excuses. It was the last thing I needed in that week – travelling away from home on a work assignment. For a few months this year, I had been working on an erstwhile exciting consultancy which now required that, once again, I take off a whole week in travel around the country to make further consultations.

Silent Soroti District, Eastern Uganda



While my bag of excuses was full to the brim, I was still caught between a rock and a hard place. If I didn’t do it now, postponement would come at a heavy cost whichever way I looked at it.
Consultation Session in Mbale
Therefore, the bag of excuses had to be sealed and damped away. Let us not forget that I am supposed to be a no excuse leader. That seemed like the easier part. You see, I was not really excited about the trip either. 

A little boy climbs up a rock. Would have loved to join in
I now had to deal with me – get my creative juicing working, psych up for the presentations and the Q and A sessions, as well as change my attitude about travelling itself.  I am supposed to see travel as a hobby after all. Moreover, as team leader, leadership means that often times, you need to do those things that you do not really want to do at the time you do them, but you do them anyway – and do them well.

Can you pronounce these names?

This signpost was facing away from the road probably due to strong winds. 

Gulu Town is bustling with activity. 

So, I chose to make the assignment a great trip for me. I would not allow my attitue or excuses take away teh shine of the trip from me. There are many who would have loved to be in my shoes.  They are either dead, disabled or unabled. Besides, we only get to live once (YOLO), so we may as well make the best out of this chance. So, when we set off, I got the music playing, my laptop working, my attitude updated and my peaceful state commanded. I kept updating my friends about what I was doing and where I was. Before long, one remarked that I was like the Jeremy Clarkson of  Top Gear . (Not the looks ofcourse)


I soon loved what I was doing. I looked forward to the next sign post and before long, the assignment was in the bag, I met old friends along the way, I enjoyed the meals and the conversation and before I knew it, I was back home to my loved ones, happy and surprisingly, refreshed.  So, bring it on -


Presentation time

Lesson learnt - Excuses and a bad attitude hinder the ability to perform and enjoy that which we ideally love to do. Beware to throw away both.

Some have excuses, others have results
- Moses Mukisa

From Comfort Zone to Zone X


From Comfort Zone to Zone X

During the past two years, I have been constantly challenged to leave my comfort zone and make a difference wherever I am. One of the most profound statements that I have read is that ‘Every problem is an opportunity to make a difference.’ Ideally, one would immediately blame or identify the cause of a problem and seek recompense from the guilty or liable party. However, in this case, we are challenged to not only correctly identify the problem (the easier part), but to also be part of those who resolve the problem created – and to ensure that it does not arise again. (the harder part)

Interestingly, resolving a problem might also create other problems. That is why I emphasise that it is important to correctly identify the problem before we seek to propose or implement solutions. Even when a problem is correctly identified, that does not mean that no other problem will arise as a result. Take for example the fact that boda boda (bajaj bikes) are viewed on the one hand, as a nuisance in town but on the other hand, as a necessary evil. It is true that the majority of these riders do not respect traffic rules and in many cases have no licenses to riding the bikes. There is a lot of money spent by the Government in treating the high number of boda boda accident victims, not to mention the loss of life as a result of the recklessness caused by the riders.
The seemingly easier solution to this would be to stop them from being used in certain areas of the city or even to prosecute the errant riders. However, high unemployment rates and the challenges in our criminal justice system might not help produce the result one would need. In any case, the riders are often not the owners of the bikes. In cases where they do own the bikes, they do not have any other ways of survival, having sold off their land or having borrowed heavily (if they are not servicing loans) to own these bikes. It is also true that these bikes are very critical in the transportation sector because of their ability to access hard to reach areas especially due to the conditions of our roads. Many people use them as cheap alternatives for transporting their children to and from school, carrying all types of equipment and delivering messages. The mere removal of boda boda riders from the streets would therefore create more problems than those it seeks to address.

The above means that we need a more durable solution that not only addresses poverty and unemployment which drive many into riding these bikes but also provides better transportation alternatives for the high number of users of the bikes. In resolving problems therefor, it is important to think holistically and carefully before suggesting piecemeal solutions that often create more challenges than they have resolved. Does this mean we should sit back and do nothing after all our interventions might not be helpful? Certainly not. What seems to be clear is that a lot more thinking, planning and proper  articulation of the problem and solution should be done before one seeks to make an intervention – and even after we have done so, we need to ensure that our solution is a lasting solution - Zone X. That however will be a subject of another blog.

Happy planning.