Memories of Daddy

Memories of Daddy    

Recently, I was invited to a Men, Mentoring and Leadership event by a newly created organisation called Creed. My task was to share about my relationship with my own father as well as reflecting on my journey as a Daddy to date. That conversation made me reflect more on my relationship with my Daddy, who ascended yonder close to a decade ago. It is amazing how fast the time runs. So today, I chose to remind myself about the unique things about him which continue to linger in my heart and memory-

Daddy the Book Enthusiast

Daddy was clear that education was very important to the emancipation of the individual and the nation. Like his sisters would testify at his funeral, he insisted, as their first born brother, that they all get an education. I recall Daddy often used to say that his friends are only those ones who go to school. Those who played around got a taste of his disciplinary means. That story is for another day. So passionate was he about education that when I returned to Uganda after my Master’s degree, Dad preferred that I pursue the PhD immediately. I did so a few years down the line and indeed by the time he passed, I was in still pursuing doctoral studies.

Daddy, Culture and Cooking

Dad was a conservative and passionate about culture. Of course we resisted some of his views because of exposure to human rights, modernity and globalization. Nonetheless, that does not mean we didn’t appreciate what he was trying to instil in us. Cooking was not really his forte, but probably because he believed it was not his role to cook. I know that as a first borne in his family, he had done more cooking than he ever spoke about. I doubt that his Mom would have given him a free pass. Dad believed that his duty was to provide and that he did well. I recall memories of Saturday shopping – the smell of fresh fruit, meat, vegetables, name it. The sight of the stocked fridge and Mom’s superb cooking. I also have a special memory of him preparing meat pies with Mom for her graduation party. I recall how the onions got into his eyes and he was tearing all over. At home though, he left that to Mom and religiously thanked her whenever he had had his meal.  

Daddy found pride in our mother tongue and culture. He insisted that he should be buried in his fatherland – Toro (something we honoured with pride). He ensured that all my older brothers went to Nyakasura School and learnt to speak fluent Rutooro. I do not know how I was allowed to go to Mwiri. I guess he allowed some exceptions to the rule. For example, much as he loved culture, he didn’t believe that men should prostrate before the Omukama. Nonetheless, I applaud him for reminding us that we are rooted in our culture.

Daddy and playing

Dad rarely played around or fooled around. I guess it is because in his time, men were supposed to be seen in a serious light. Nonetheless, I remember that he once played with us as kids. It was actually a game of tip if I recall. It was however the first and only time I recall him play.  We were in the garden, and Dad had to chase us around. I think that was also the time we ate duck for the first time in our lives.

Daddy the Pre-marital counsellor

Dad rarely talked about sex. I guess that should not come as a surprise. In our time, fathers rarely did so. However, I recall him giving me advice about sex on two occasions. Once when he noticed that there was a girl who was always in my proximity and another time when I was about to get married. He cautioned me to ensure that we both tested for HIV/AIDS. I also recall that he once overheard a phonecall conversation I was having with a girl and he warned me against her. I think he heard how she was complaining and how she kept pestering me about something and Dad patiently waited for the conversation to end before saying, 'Dan, that one is a No No!' All that time i thought he was engrossed in the newspaper!

Daddy and My Jesus

One time, I gathered the courage to talk about salvation with Dad. I recall finding him lying on the bed in his room late one Sunday afternoon. I approached him and said I wanted to talk to him about Christ. This was probably one of those rare courageous moments I recall as a young man. Whereas Dad did not confess Jesus Christ as his Lord and saviour that day, he disclosed to me, a secret that was dear to his heart. We had another tough son to Dad moment later on but it is too personal to share here for now.

Daddy at my Swearing in Ceremony – Mwiri

When I won the election to became the Head Prefect of Busoga College Mwiri in my time, I naturally shared the good news with my parents including letting them know the day I would be sworn in. To my surprise, probably due to lack of mobile phone technology, they both showed up to my swearing in ceremony. I was utterly surprised and with hindsight, look at that day with great joy. There is a picture I have of Dad and Mom seated by the Deputy Headmaster D.H. Mulongo and smiling – hopefully with pride. I doubt this had ever happened in my school before, but am not sure.

Mr. B.F.Kaggwa, Headmaster of Busoga College Mwiri officiates at the Prefects' Handover ceremony

Daddy and my Signature

One-day Dad needed to send me to do some work for him. I do not particularly recall what the issue was but it required that I have a signature. He was utterly surprised when I told him that I didn’t have a signature.  So we spent most of that afternoon trying to come up with one. Of course my signature then, as it is now, was greatly influenced by his.

Daddy the Journalist

As a journalist and later, public relations professional, Dad was never the one to miss the news. I recall being woken up by the BBC News bite booming from his Sankei radio each morning. In those days, Uganda Broadcasting Corporation (UBC) was called Uganda Television (UTV). Dad always insisted that we watch the news and also report to him what was aired. Of course this was an inconvenience because we were not interested in the news at all.  We actually used the time for the news broadcast to wash up and prepare for the late night move that would come thereafter. On many occasions, he would have to shout ‘Huurraaaahhhh!!’ (Listen!!) because we would be gibbering away as he was watching or listening to news. Nonetheless, the seed he planted grew. I am passionate about the news and following up on what is going on in the nation and the world.

Daddy’s Africanisation of sports

Dad was passionate about football, the marathon and boxing. He told us that he was a boxer in his hey days. The recent INEOS 1:59 Challenge by Eliud Kipchoge would have really excited him. He believed that the 100metre dash was not as powerful as the marathon. Daddy also loved it when a black person would either participate or win in a sports we would be watching. He would say that the said black person is either his sister or brother. So we would joke about calling them all kinds of names. I guess Usain Bolt would have been referred to as our Karamojong brother because of his height.  I also recall watching most of World Cup 1994 with him. He would wake up in the middle of the night to join me and the final between Italy and Brazil was a memorable one. I love Manchester United today and support Kampala City Council Authority Football Club because of Daddy.

Daddy the Consultant

I first earned a living working for Daddy. He used to run one of the very first Public Relations and Marketing Consultancies having detoured from journalism because in his days, the government had killed many journalists and he at one time had to run in exile in Nairobi Kenya. As a pioneer Public Relations professional, Dad organised many workshops to train many organisations about the need for a public relations profession. It was at these workshops that I met many of Daddy’s friends and contemporaries, one of whom, Mr. Herbert Muhumuza is now a fellow Rotarian at the Rotary Club of Kampala North. The others include the former Internal Affairs Minister, the late  Eriya Kategaya, Hon. Ruhakana Rugunda, the current Prime Minister of Uganda, the late Basoga Nsadhu former Minister of Information who also doubled as patron of the Public relations Association, among others. It gives me great pleasure today to note that almost every organisation today has a public relations department or spokesperson. I am sure Dad would be proud.

Manning the Guest Experience Desk at a Workshop organised by Publc Relations and Marketing Consultancy

Dad introduces me to the Minister for Information, Hon Ruhakana Rugunda, now Prime Minister fof Uganda

I would later find out with pride  that Hon Rugunda is an Old Boy of Busoga College Mwiri

Daddy the Chairman

Dad was very social. He loved his Bell Lager which was manufactured by Uganda Breweries where he worked as Public Relations and Marketing officer. His love for football saw him being elected as Chairman of the Kampala City Council Football Club as it was then. The title of Chairman remained with him for as long as I can remember. Daddy was indeed a man of the party. I recall pictures of him holding a German Beer stein while having a conversation.

Daddy the Grandpa

Daddy’s health was failing by the time our children Keije and Kemanzi were born. When Kaine was born, I placed her at his side in his bed. I recall she was a light skinned as he was. It is such a poignant picture for me. I will keep it at that.

Daddy the Resilient

Daddy had battled cancer for almost twenty years. Whenever he would have his chemotherapy or operations, he still took up the courage to stand up and keep fighting. I recall special moments when he visited me when he had lost his hair due to the chemotherapy. I recall conversations with him when he sought my opinion about whether he should agree to lose his arm as recommended by the medics. He taught me to fight. To have grit, to continue and fight for another day regardless of the brutal facts.

Daddy for Rule of law

Dad was very passionate about time keeping. The only other person I recall with such a record is Prof Apollo Nsibambi. Dad would complain about the lack of time keeping by many people and he would visibly be disturbed when unnecessary delays were caused. Dad also resisted all types of arbitrary actions. He would point out instances where actions taken by those in leadership were either wrong or misconceived/ I would later learn that his was about the rule of law. 

Interestingly, my first contact with constitutionalism was through Daddy when I used the precedent of the constitution of the Public Relations Association of Uganda for the Uganda Secondary Schools Prefects Association. With hindsight, I think Dad had a part to play in my final appreciation for constitutionalism and the rule of law. Whereas Daddy was certainly no saint, he was quite principled. He had values he believed in and never sought to amend the rules in his favour. He refused to make the easy shilling at the expense of his principles and values and while listening to him speak to my Uncles, I gleaned what I would later the value as doing right, loving mercy and walking humbly before my God.

Daddy in Conclusion

The above and many more are the fond memories I have of my Daddy. Mr. James Sylvester Rwabigumire Mutabaazi. I thank him for being my imperfectly perfect Daddy. He did play his big role in creating the man that I am today.  What do you remember about your own Dad?

That said, please join us as we talk about Manhood and Maleness at the School of Law Makerere Univeristy on the 7th of December 2019 starting at 2pm. There will be a parallel session for the ladies. 

30.11.2019