REAL MEN DON’T KISS AND TELL

I don’t recall where I first heard the phrase – Real Men do not kiss and tell – but I think it was supposed to indicate that one should not have a loose tongue about his affairs.  The other phrase I recall is the Luganda equivalent of ‘What happens at one’s home should not be aired in the public spaces’. The latter phrase was supposed to caution, those who go around telling the whole world what happens in their home especially the things that are shameful. These two phrases obviously have their limitations because there are certain times when the cat (secrets) need to be let out of the bag especially when life or bodily injury is under threat.

Last month, my church carried out a series entitled Made of Honour. We were taught to honour our God, our leaders, our parents, our spouses, etc.  In one of those sessions, my wife and I had the privilege to share our story about honouring each other. The talks can be found at this here. To honour is to ‘hold someone in great respect, to hold high esteem, to have a great regard for, to respect, admire, defer to, look up to or think highly of’ . In our conversation, we acknowledged that honour is due. In essence, it is non-negotiable. The Bible calls us to honour our spouses (Ephesians 5: 22- 29).

Vs. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her NKJV

Vs. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. NKJV

It is in that regard that I have deeply thought about the recent utterances (concerning his wife) which have been attributed to Pastor Aloysius Bugingo who heads the House of Prayer Ministries based in Makerere Kikoni. The duty of a man is to protect his wife. This includes both her reputation, her spiritual well-being as well as her physical being. It is my considered view, that by revealing the challenges that his wife had – in the manner and forum that he chose, Aloysius Bugingo failed in this duty. The utterances were very insulting and totally unwelcome. His purported apology did more harm than good. The applause he received from some sections of the congregation (some of whom sounded like women) were equally shameful and despicable. The unique position of the woman in our society is the reason as to why the Bible[1] and the Constitution of Uganda[2] have been very specific regarding how they ought to be treated.

The Bible further cautions that we need to guard our tongues. Ephesians 4: 29 says

Do not let unwholesome talk come out of your mouth but only what is helpful for building others up according to their need, that is may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29)

The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit (Proverbs 15:4)

In light of the above, Aloysius Bugingo needs to guard his tongue. It is causing more damage than he seems to realise. Indeed, Proverbs 21:23 states that those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. I truly applaud Mrs. Bugingo for restraining herself in this matter. Bugingo on the other hand needs to guard his tongue because of the collateral damage it is causing. I am aware that he has petitioned for divorce and that process is going on. He should therefore await the decision of the Court which is a forum he has chosen to take his grievances if any.

To all young men, DO NOT KISS AND TELL. I implore you to honour the ladies around you. The example set by Aloysius Bugingo is not one to follow but to shun.  Treat your female counterparts with respect and honour their dignity. If a relationship has gone sour, do not go around bad-mouthing the person who has been the subject of your desire, fancy or love. Desist from spreading their nude pictures on social media in a bid to spite them. It is beneath our call as protectors and caretakers of our sisters. Its unmanly. It is cowardly.

On behalf of all the right thinking members of public, on behalf of all sons of great women, on behalf of fathers of beautiful and great girls, and on behalf of all husbands, I profusely apologise to Mrs. Bugingo for these very unwelcome words by her husband. It is my prayer that she will forgive him for his actions and unchained mouth. I also apologise to all women for the way we men often treat you. It is my prayer that this will cause all men to reflect about the way we treat the great women around us.

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[1] 1 Peter 3:7

[2] 33. Rights of women.

(1) Women shall be accorded full and equal dignity of the person with men.

(2) The State shall provide the facilities and opportunities necessary to enhance the welfare of women to enable them to realise their full potential and advancement.

(3) The State shall protect women and their rights, taking into account their unique status and natural maternal functions in society.

(4) Women shall have the right to equal treatment with men and that right shall include equal opportunities in political, economic and social activities.

(5) Without prejudice to article 32 of this Constitution, women shall have the right to affirmative action for the purpose of redressing the imbalances created by history, tradition or custom.

(6) Laws, cultures, customs or traditions which are against the dignity, welfare or interest of women or which undermine their status, are prohibited by this Constitution.