CAN WE?

Dear Love,

I know it has been long since I last called you that. I also know that I have not been replying your emails, text messages or letters. I know that I have taken you for granted in spite of the many times you have tried to catch my attention even the calls you have tried to leave in my dreams. I know that many of your friends have let me down quite a lot and as a result I guess I have the zeal for what we had. However, I am wondering whether we can be friends again?

I am not going to say immediately that I have changed, that I am all for you and committed. No! I want to be but think I should say those words because I mean them, not because your family wants to hear them or that it is the right thing to do. I would want to say them honestly-for me and also for you. I would like to say I care for you and love you deeply knowing that when you hear them, you are sure that they are from the bottom of my heart. Like that time when we had just gotten to know about each other and you just engulfed my being. I could only talk about you and all those around me knew that we were in love. We spent endless hours in the restaurant, holding hands and gazing into each others’ eyes. We talked a lot and spent such quality time in each others’ presence and arms. I even started speaking like you and quoting each word that you said to me. I guess that has died down before my own eyes. However, can we? Can we try once more? Somehow?

I know that am older now and probably will not do what I used to do before. I will probably not dare to ‘climb the mountains’ anymore and ‘swim the seas’ but I will be more true and mature I guess. I will be honest with you- far more honest that I was. I will not make such stupid childish dares that I made when I was younger. Do you recall when I asked you to punish me if I ever let you down again? Boy am I glad you never did because compared to the punishment you have gone through on my behalf, I wonder how I would have been able to equate that. I would neither survive let alone rise again like you did.

I know that I have stood you up many times in our favourite restaurant and I am sorry for failing to take off that week I had promised where we would have quality time. I am truly sorry -although I wonder whether these words really reflect the truth in my heart. A part of me feels like am just pretending to do the right thing but I know you have the unique intuition to check what is going on inside my heart. I guess what I am trying to say is that I need you. I have always needed you. You and only you complete me and I need you desperately. I need you back in my life for am struggling along like a three legged donkey carrying a huge load somehow and I don’t know how long I can manage this.

I probably know what happened to us- The cares of life took their toll on me. Many people questioned my intelligence for loving you so blindly (as though love can take any other format). I guess I started chasing the wind as it blew me into forests of careers, ambition, money and the search for acceptance amongst my peers. I tried to make you what you were not and began avoiding talking to you because many people were laughing at me and wondering why I was spending useful time talking to you for endless hours instead of looking for more tangible passions of life. I have done all that now and yet I still miss you. I miss our friendship. I miss telling you about what I have accomplished. I am tired of making you a punching bag for only those times am frustrated. This hole in me has not been fulfilled and I am guilty as hell for going it alone.

Something in me tells me that you still care. I desperately hope that this is true? I hope that this is still possible? That you still love me back? I hope you have not torn my letter already and thrown it in the fire? I guess I am becoming desperate. I felt your love was strong enough without me having to do anything about it but I forgot that it takes two to tangle. I guess you ran out of breathe trying to chase me? Or are you carrying me right now like you promised? Are you sure you can take me back like the prodigal son’s father? Can you wash these wounds of pain, suffering and disappointment like the Good Samaritan? Will you be able to wipe my tears away? Have you been watching my every move and step ever since I left? Can you take me back into your wings or carry my heart away in an exciting swoop like when we first met? Can we really become, once again, true best friends forever? I really really need to know and I pray that you reply this letter

Please do get back to me for am past the stage of desperation. All things around me seem to be going haywire. All my plans seem unfulfilled. All the dreams I had seem to have vanished that day when I started off without you. The roads are ….

Oh thank you, I have just received your response to my desperate letter. That was quick! How did you know I was writing???

To the reader, I didn’t finish my whining because I received a text message asking me to read Isaiah 41:10 (New International Version)
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I thank you Lord. For always being there!

Daniel

23rd May 2010
23: 00 hrs

I REMEMBER YOU

That firm handshake
The evening you carried my pass-slip
I had passed my exams
Mwiri became reality
You escorted me there
…
I remember
Your surprise attendance
My swearing in ceremony
Camera flash
Boundless joy

I recall-
Sharp slap across my face
Mom had fried some of my eggs
They were being incubated
Meat pies for school
I was whining

The spring in your step
Bundles of warm fur
Yet another cute puppy
And to add to my book collection
A Mink’s Tale
I continue to treasure-

I remember you
The scent of Imperial Leather
The raspy sound of newspapers
perfumed New African Concorde Magazines
Bell Beer

In every book I read,
The news casts I watch
Together we supported Manchester United
Kampala City Council and Bayern Munich
On many nights we watched the local news bulletins
Stayed up late to watch the World Cup
Breathlessly followed The Old Fox
And argued about the law

I remember you -
Coaching me to be a man
Fitting into your coat
Preaching the love for Toro-
Splendor of the empaako
-Eyaawe Abwooli
The curl of the akaaro
Dipped in firinda-
Not forgetting oburaaya

I remember you

Exquisite time keeper
Polished speaker
Immaculate handwriting
Path finder
Modern traditionalist
Journalist
Fervent Guardian
Father-
I recall all

As I scratch my beard
I recall you brushed yours
As I whistle my presence for my girls
You cleared your voice at the door
When I contemplate
You also spoke long after listening

I saw-
Your passion for friends and family
Baptism and graduation parties
Twang of the Congolese rumba bolingo music
Click of glasses
Public relations-

I remember you

You didn’t have much
but you gave all-
Ambition, integrity, hard work
Determination-
And as you fought that cancer
You showed us till the end
Truly you are
Rwabigumire!

And now that you’ve flown away
Rivers flow from our eyes
‘Ekimango’ chocks our throats
As a true Mukurungu rests

My Daddy
I remember you
Even more-

R.I.P

May 2010